Its Ramadan again...almost a year since I began this journey of reflection and remembering...of self-discovery and strength building. Alhamdulillah.
Yesterday I was at the mosque praying taraweh - a prayer that Muslims usually pray at night during the month of Ramadan. The last prayer is called withr and the imam often makes emotional and long dua (supplications) to God. Yesterday, the imam made a dua that I hadn't heard before. He asked God to 'forgive the man that needs forgiveness'.
When I heard that, the first thing I thought of was him. I saw his face with those puppy eyes I have mentioned before. I made a prayer that God forgives him. I never thought I would go from complete hate and disgust, to now praying that God forgives his soul for everything that elapsed...and this time I know I am sincere in my asking for his forgiveness.
We are all humans, frail and weak. And we all make mistakes. And yes we make horrible and bad mistakes. But if God can forgive, who are we not to? Who are we to have hearts that are hardened and heavy? Even if I forgive him, I know he still must answer to God for all that happened. But to be honest...for me it means I am letting go of the baggage and blemish he marked in my heart. I'm a free bird ready to soar great heights and not be weighed down by the burden of hating another person. I'll let Allah deal with his deeds...
I remember just a few months ago I had asked a spiritual leader about forgiving a person who has wronged you - and he said when you travel on the path of purification of your heart (tazkiya) you will surely reach a state where your anger to others turns into mercy. I pray that God accepts my heart, and that He answers my prayer. I pray for my own forgiveness too.
I'm ready to love...and now I can love with no other man in my heart. Even if his presence in it was one of resentment, it would have still inhibited me from loving purely and truly.
Thank you for helping me with my journey. Certainly the most important and transformative year of my life. God is Greater than all.
