Unnoticed.

I’d like to think that I only need to write in this blog when something is on my mind about my relationship. But today, I just feel like writing. From my heart. Even as I write this, I do not know what I want to say. Today I begin writing without a title already ready in my mind.

I went to inquire about laser hair removal right now – someone there was asking about hair growth around a woman’s nipple. The lady at the reception said it is normal and everyone has it, “women just shouldn’t pluck them once they get it because that will only stimulate growth”. The young lady replied “how come there are no campaigns about this? I wouldn’t have removed them if I knew any better.” The lady replied, “well, your mother should have told you”.

I guess one thing on my mind whenever I remember this relationship is why my mother didn’t notice. I received my first gold diamond ring from him when I was about 17. When I first wore it, I told my mom that it was a fake accessory I bought from Walmart. That one ring turned to about eighteen different rings, two sets of diamond studs, two pendants, a necklace and a whole bunch of electronics. Really? My mother didn’t notice that I was getting all this stuff and that there was no way I could possibly afford it on my own? Sometimes I find that really surprising. Why didn’t she notice? And, will I notice when I have a daughter if she is in the same position.

Once my mom suspected something. We were at a community gathering – friends and family all together playing games and eating. I was sitting at a table with some of my cousins, and him, playing Scrabble I believe. During the game, he started playing footsies with me. My mother, who was at the end of the room, spotted his foot on mine. As soon as she saw this, we both realized she saw, and I played it normal - as if I didn’t know his foot was on mine in the first place…we continued playing. When the game was over, my mother took me to the next room. I knew what was coming.

“Why was his foot on yours?” she said. I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about. She said she saw it and when she noticed, he moved his foot away. “I even see that he stares at you through the reflection in the window”. I told her I wasn’t aware of this, and even if he did it must have been a nudge because one of us made a good move during the game and it was a friendly show-off type of gesture – like ‘in your face’. From me, she bought it.

When we got home, I called him and told him what had happened. I told him to fix the situation. ‘You must’ I said. He told me not to worry and that he will deal with it. When I came back from school, he told me what he did to fix the situation – my mom never made mention of this to me. He actually went to the house, told my mom that I had told him what she had said, and he swore on the Quran that there was nothing to worry about and that he was surprised she thought that. That’s it.

Part of me never ever wanted my mother to know, but part of me also wanted her to find out because it would mean that we would have no choice but to stop this. It never happened. My parents have never been one to spy, and never made me feel judged or that I was doing something wrong - but sometimes turning a blind eye is not good. All those times I dodged her car as I snuck out of my co-op placement or school; all the times I snuck out of the house at night; all my late night phone calls…none of it – she caught none of it.

I always tell my friends that I’m the best liar. A sad reality, but it’s true. When your own mother can’t notice the biggest story that you’re living, you have to be good.

So, did she know the rings were fake? Or did she know I had someone but thought it was harmless? 'At least I was getting spoiled dirty out of it'. I have the perfect title for this post.