A Reflecting Arab Muslim Girl From Around the Corner

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Wow. These counseling sessions are great. I explained the whole experience with me and Heavens to my counselor. As I described Heavens with the words I normally use to describe her - that she is a pillar, my mountain, a source of strength, etc. - she said, 'you know it seems that you have kind of taken Heavens on as a mother figure'.

How true.

I see it all now. It is so clear to me. And it explains so much.

And as for my other friend – the one I have blogged about many times...the one who knew of the relationship while I was in Phase 2 and still 'in love' – lets call her Hope for simplicity's sake - well, I realize it now as well. For her, when I first became close to her, I took her as a daughter figure. I took so much care of her. Cleaned up after her and even put money in her wallet without her knowing when she was having financial trouble. I know I can bend over backwards for her for pretty much anything.

I made Heavens my mom, and in her actions and in our relationship I want from her what I have always wanted from a mother. With Hope, I treated her, and displayed so much patience and care with her, just as I hope my mother would do for me.

Transference. That’s what they call it in counseling terms.

It makes perfect sense to me. I now understand why I am so attached with these two girls and why my mood is so pegged to Heavens and why I take care of Hope the way I do.

Each session I keep on telling my counselor that I came with the intention to talk about my relationship with my mom and this experience that I experienced, and I haven’t even gotten to it yet. But I am. Lo! I am.

I don’t know what to do with this realization – but it is like a huge eureka moment for me. I now understand perhaps why these relationships are what they are and they mean what they do to me. Now I perhaps can understand for myself the relationships that so many people have been surprised about and commented on because they cannot understand it for themselves. ‘Normal’ friend relationships are not quite what Heavens and Hope are to me.

May God preserve my relationships with them, and may this clarity only strengthen our bonds.

1 comment:

  1. This counseling has the potential to help you for the rest of your life...it is freeing. Keep it up, it can be hard at times but that's usually when you benefit the most. Congratulations!